Toxic Relationships

It’s probably time to blog about another one of my favorite quotes. The thing about quotes is, it’s usually all of my favorite words, like “grace“, “faith”, “love”, and “happiness”, all thrown into a pretty arrangement that I could have never come up with on my own…but that strike such a chord that I learn to live by them. See below.

“We can love and care for others but we cannot possess our children, lovers, family or friends. We can assist them, pray for them and wish them well, yet in the end their happiness and suffering depend on their thoughts and actions, not on our wishes.”

This is one of those quotes that I’ve taped to my mirrors, listed in my journals, and quoted numerous times online. It’s this paragraph alone that my best friend can throw at me on days I lose control, and it’ll smack me back to reality.

It’s my quote for toxicity.

There are days I’d give anything to reach out and strangle the stupid out of my life. It’s so hard to remember, when they foul up, that I can’t help them, control them, or even better them in that frame of mind.

We all have toxic relationships, or rather, all relationships are occasionally toxic. Nobody makes all the right choices. Which means, that we can choose to let them matter exponentially, or we can learn to help ourselves.

I’ve got people in my life that:

-Try to manipulate
-Point out my flaws without realizing their own
-Eat terribly
-Put their kids last
-Disappear into a relationship; meld.
-Smoke
-Drink & Drive
-Blame everyone they can for their own unhappiness
-Lose touch
-Discourage, instead of encourage
-Give up

I can put my name next to a few of those, occasionally. Everybody messes up, but it’s how we choose to deal with them that defines our character.

But what if it’s habitual? Sometimes, the best thing to do is with them well, and walk away. Sometimes, by staying by their side, you’re assisting their self abuse, you’re encouraging poor behavior, and you’re enabling. Toxicity is a poison, one that sneaks in and works from the inside out. If all you can think about is how to change somebody to make YOU happy, it’s time to walk away. If you can’t love them without letting it consume you, you’re the poison. By letting them continue along a destructive path, or by harboring bitterness and resentment, it’s you that’s poisoning that relationship…not them.

I forgive quickly, I forget even faster, and I love my friends and family with everything I’ve got. But no matter how hard you love, wish, and pray…their happiness and lifestyle is dependent completely on them. Taking a step back, or encouraging them in a new direction isn’t a measure of your friendship…loving, wishing, and praying are absolutely possible from a distance.

We can start reflecting and correcting our own flaws immediately, instead of focusing so hard on everybody else. Right? Right.

Still working on me,
Nomz

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4 thoughts on “Toxic Relationships

  1. Yes, yes and yes! We can’t help others. We can’t fix them. We at some point need to just ‘let whatever will happen” – happen. If we force or strongly suggest something, then we’ll be the one that is blamed later.

    I know what a toxic relationship is all about. I’m smack dab in the middle of the worst nightmare of my life. Every friend and family member in my life tells me what to do, when to do it and how to do it, to ‘”get out of that terrible relationship!” – but they are not in my shoes. I’m dealing with the toxic part and making my own decisions, which are solely MY choices. I will be healthier in the long run, by doing what I want to do and on my terms.

    I LOVE your quote and will hang it on my bathroom mirror as well. VERY WELL SAID. And as usual, great blog Nomz!

  2. Nicely put Nomz… I think those of us that tend to be on the nurturing side, want to help those who might have dug themselves into a hole. And sometimes, we get lost in that – and figuring it out sometimes is just a matter of time or it might take getting kicked in the gut. I have found that learning to cut my losses is one of the most difficult decisions I’ve had to make in life – be it in relationships, friendships, or jobs. But, I have learned in the process, to take responsibility for my actions and to apologize when my actions have required it.

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