And JUST when you thought you were surrounded only by darkness, you notice the stars.

I still daydream.

I bet at least once a day I’ll find myself in a not-present state, and almost always, in a better place than reality. And not really in the way that I wish I were in Bali, even though I do, but in really obscure ways. Like, if I were to put away one dollar bill for a bookmark instead of using plastic ones, how many bills would I have collected over the years? Or, if the person that installed the papertowel dispenser in the ladies bathroom at work had sat down before finishing the job, my toilet seat wouldn’t be wet every day. Or, if all lotions had the smell of both dessert and the beach at the same time, like my new favorite, I’d be a lot more lotioned.

Anyway, I was sitting in one of those daydreams this afternoon, only I was quite present in it. I was in the Starbucks drive-thru picking up my favorite green tea, and noticing their building being exquisitely inviting. I noticed that my car didn’t smell as good as outside did and rolled down a second window. And I turned down the news because it was belching gun control news, just like 84% of my Facebook newsfeed. My mind wandered to that place that it does, and I thought of all the bad news lately, all the darkness in the world, all my fears that I keep closeted until late nights or early mornings when the silence isn’t enough to hush them. In the three and a half minutes I was waiting in line and not thinking of Bali, I was wildly processing all the horrible things that were happening around my reality and willing an answer of peace to wash over me.

Instead, my turn to pay was up. I handed the man my George Washingtons, taking note even, that they still say, “In God We Trust.” . He held up his hand and shook his head and brightly said, “No ma’am, that gentleman in the pickup in front of you paid for your order.” Despite my goal to do this as often as possible, I was speechless. The goodness of fellow coffee lover in front of me had just snapped me out of my lack of peace.
After pulling my composure out of the crack in my downed window, I told him I’d then like to pay for the lady behind me in line. I don’t know why, at 2pm on a Tuesday, that this beautiful Starbucks was so brilliantly busy, but I loved the opportunity to quickly continue to pay it forward, and did. He waited until I offered before telling me that I was the eighth person in a row and we both exclaimed about how incredible it’d be if it went on all afternoon. He also noted that not only that, but last week he was part of a FORTY EIGHT CAR LONG PAY IT FORWARD and none of them knew it.

As I sit here listening to the ingenious guitar work of Joe Satriani, I can’t but let my mind wander just a bit again. The stars aren’t so far out of reach in this dark world, friends. We just need to choose to see them. In faaaaaaaaact, what if you were to start a whole constellation of your today?


Cheers,
Nomz

Let It Go

Amidst a storm of things this week, I’ve found myself in this horribly, wallowy place of bitterness and anger and resentment. I was driving to work today with this goal in mind to punch those storms in the face with big fancy words to make myself feel better, uncaring of what it might do to the people on the other side BUT I WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE WAY I FELT AND THEREFORE I NEED TO SAY IT.

For whatever reason, while plotting my emails and texts and phone calls to clear out my head (gosh I sound like a drama llama don’t I?), I looked to the west and saw the moon going down as the sun was coming up. And I realized that it could be that simple. I mean, I could just let it go.

The thing about anger and guilty and resentment and bitterness, is that unless you do choose to explode…it only hurts you. The longer you let it settle in to your bones, the more havoc it creates. The more it feeds your need to feel all of those things, and the more it empowers you to hurt somebody else. Has throwing stones based on any of those emotions ever made any situation better? Here’s what it does do: It sits in your insides and builds this warm cozy fire and prepares a bottle gasoline, and no matter who comes along next with a little bit of pain to throw at you, the fire gets bigger. Your resentment and bitterness for one person is now fueled by two or three or fourteen…and instead of making peace with what is ACTUALLY causing any of those feelings, we let it simmer until we pick one or two to take it out on.

The bitterness that you’re holding onto because of:
That person that hurt you years ago? let it go.
That email you’ve been meaning to send to confront your demons with somebody that has obviously moved on without you? let it go.
The man that chose to walk away from your marriage or relationship or child? let  it go.
The way you don’t feel loved enough by the right people? let it go.
The way you feel when he or she doesn’t believe your truth? let it go.
That person that hates your success and incredible life because THEY’RE cooking a resentment fire? let it go.

As the moon goes down in the morning and lets the sun come up with a clean slate of a day, let it go.
Pull up those cute galoshes and bust out that pink polkadotted umbrella. Storms are going to come and go, but how you choose to react to those storms is what makes you.

“Peace requires us to surrender our illusions of control.
We can love and care for others, but we cannot possess our children, lovers, family, or friends.
We can assist then, pray for them, and wish them well, yet in the end their happiness and suffering depend on their thoughts and actions, NOT on our wishes.”

Love,
Nomz