Let It Go

Amidst a storm of things this week, I’ve found myself in this horribly, wallowy place of bitterness and anger and resentment. I was driving to work today with this goal in mind to punch those storms in the face with big fancy words to make myself feel better, uncaring of what it might do to the people on the other side BUT I WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE WAY I FELT AND THEREFORE I NEED TO SAY IT.

For whatever reason, while plotting my emails and texts and phone calls to clear out my head (gosh I sound like a drama llama don’t I?), I looked to the west and saw the moon going down as the sun was coming up. And I realized that it could be that simple. I mean, I could just let it go.

The thing about anger and guilty and resentment and bitterness, is that unless you do choose to explode…it only hurts you. The longer you let it settle in to your bones, the more havoc it creates. The more it feeds your need to feel all of those things, and the more it empowers you to hurt somebody else. Has throwing stones based on any of those emotions ever made any situation better? Here’s what it does do: It sits in your insides and builds this warm cozy fire and prepares a bottle gasoline, and no matter who comes along next with a little bit of pain to throw at you, the fire gets bigger. Your resentment and bitterness for one person is now fueled by two or three or fourteen…and instead of making peace with what is ACTUALLY causing any of those feelings, we let it simmer until we pick one or two to take it out on.

The bitterness that you’re holding onto because of:
That person that hurt you years ago? let it go.
That email you’ve been meaning to send to confront your demons with somebody that has obviously moved on without you? let it go.
The man that chose to walk away from your marriage or relationship or child? let  it go.
The way you don’t feel loved enough by the right people? let it go.
The way you feel when he or she doesn’t believe your truth? let it go.
That person that hates your success and incredible life because THEY’RE cooking a resentment fire? let it go.

As the moon goes down in the morning and lets the sun come up with a clean slate of a day, let it go.
Pull up those cute galoshes and bust out that pink polkadotted umbrella. Storms are going to come and go, but how you choose to react to those storms is what makes you.

“Peace requires us to surrender our illusions of control.
We can love and care for others, but we cannot possess our children, lovers, family, or friends.
We can assist then, pray for them, and wish them well, yet in the end their happiness and suffering depend on their thoughts and actions, NOT on our wishes.”

Love,
Nomz

Because, simply because.

The best part of my afternoon, aside from drinking a cream soda (seriously, it takes like 7th grade and sunshine, because it’s been that long since I’ve had one of these) is discovering that imperfection, madness, and chaos IS perfection. Deep right? It all started watching three of my closest friends battling turmoil in their relationships…and this quote:

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.”
― Bob Marley

try to tell me that’s not the prettiest thing you’ve ever read, try. I plan on stapling it to my forehead actually, to remind myself every day while I’m putting no my face, that it’s my own standards that are holding me back from seeing perfection, not his actions or anybody else’s.

It’s no secret that relationships are hard, or that everybody goes through spells of dislike, distaste, and annoy when you’re living with a mate for a more than 2 second period of time. It’s not if you’ll go through it, but when. You’re not going to like his dirty laundry, the way he piles the clothes on the floor, the way he leaves his toothbrush unattended on the sink instead of away. You’ll probably hate the way he laughs at your least favorite show, or the way he acts around certain friends. You might even disagree on major political, religious, parental, or moral issues. Sometimes even, you’ll find him unattractive, you’ll feel repulsed and guilty for feeling repulsed. But the thing is, if you don’t go through hard dry times, you’ll never have the opportunity to appreciate the good.

He should challenge you. He should be able to bring out a deeper laugh, and a more powerful temper in you than you’ve ever had with anybody else. It’s like having to eat enough broccoli to put up with the chocolate intake. You can’t have it good all the time.

More wise words:

Saying you’re sorry doesn’t mean you’re giving up or admitting that he’s right. It means your relationship is worth more to you than your pride.

I can feed you all the most gorgeous quotes in the world, or, you can just remember that there are two people in this…and that your dirty laundry doesn’t smell so good either. Endings aren’t always happy, this I know, I’m just saying that it takes both of you to create both the beginning…and the end. It’s not every one person’s fault that there isn’t a chocolate-filled relationship start –> finish. Hold yourselves to a standard of grace…not perfection.

*Sips Cream Soda*
Nomz